My dénouement/Confession/Memoir
Introduction/Gist
A few days ago, I posted that I had something personal to deal with in life. I was in a way lying in yet another way which was completely true. After a few days of reflection and rationalization, I am now ready to tell everyone what happened. If you have a short attention span or just hate reading, I’m just going to bluntly say that I was banned from jMS and it was by valid reason. However, I credit you guys more than that and I would like to get off my chest the entire truth/story. If you have ever studied Macbeth or watched Infernal Affairs, you will probably see a lot of the same elements in my story, as I expose every single detail.
I’m sorry to everyone that I have disappointed, maybe it would had been better to disappear as a fake hero instead of what I am going to become now. However, to move on in life, I must to confess. This is probably going to throw the community into chaos and drama, but you guys deserve to know the truth. These long blocks of text will go through my journey in jMS and also expose the crimes I have committed, but also serve as a memoir. I hope you are able to read through the entire thing, so you will see the corruptive path I went through.
The entire paper is divided into multiple parts:
My Spiritual Life
Part 1: The Beginning
Part 2: Climax and Fall
Part 3: Corruption
Part 4: Moving on
My Spiritual Life
Why I am bothering to tell everyone is something very important to me. As you may know from reading my blog or chatting with me on jMS/MSN, I have stated many times that I am a Christian. Although this is what it may have looked like on the surface, deep inside myself I knew that my relationship with God was slipping. I started going to church in grade 7 which was 5 years ago and was growing weekly as I learned more about God. However this school year with all my classes being higher level, I hit a stumbling block where I felt very pressured and lost. I had gone through a baptismal class and it questioned my faith a lot. I prayed a lot to God to show me a path out of the darkness and to bring out my spiritual gifts. However I never found that response and I just went in a downwards spiral. My performance in school dropped from being a high 80’s student to a low 80’s/mid 70’s.
I still went to church but I just never got to grow, plus I didn’t bother to go worship anymore. Until the Sunday right before my ban. We were studying the book of Romans and we went over a section that just scared me beyond belief, it made me think of what kind of person I had and could become. I realized that it wasn’t too late but I was still very scared that it even brought tears to my eyes. But God was there for me, my Sunday school teacher invited me to stay for worship and amazingly enough, the topic for the week was “The Wake Up Call” It reminded that I forgot to L and L (Love your neighbors and Live like a Christian). So from that point, I began my recovery, I asked God in a prayer to guide me through this darkness once more and take over my life and that’s how I got here writing this entry today.
Part 1: The Beginning
Now that I have explained the background to my story, it’s time to get to the really juicy details of my journey in jMS. As some of you may know, I started MapleStory in general around 18 months ago. I had left Gunbound to start Beta and I could honestly say that it was the best time of MapleStory for me. I was purely legit and got my hunter, XxIceChaosxX to level 57 before gMS Official was released. During the last couple of months of Beta, I just stuck around on Feinnar, level 63 hunter, till it got closed down. It never really bothered me that much; I just shrugged it off moved on. The next 6 months went by pretty swell. I joined soccer, track and field, and cross country teams, my life just flowed smoothly and it felt like being a kid again.
On November 23, 2005 I was convinced by sleepywood.net to join jMS, because they wanted me to play again, and I just did it anyways just to please them. I never played much (dialup) and didn’t have a lot of friends, so getting from level 1-30 probably took me a month. I guess it was when I joined the cursedsanctuary.com community that it actually sparks an interest for me to keep playing. My first guild was Koinonia and the feeling of it was really awkward, because it was the first time in MapleStory which I was associated with people that I didn’t know. Plus the fact they always talked about penises, vaginas, dildos and all the good stuff. The time spent with them was very enjoyable and they were very supportive, and met lots of great people like Dennis. After the guild was disbanded, I went to stay with TheSimpsons for a week but I found them in a way too elitist and arrogant so I left them and joined TeamRocket, which I stayed till its end. By now you maybe getting a bit bored of reading how my newbie days. It’s time to start on how I got on the path that I travel today.
When jMS placed IP bans on MSEA regional players, my friend XiaoWC decided to give me his account (Level 63 Crossbowman) and it came with about 30mil. I was level 48 and at time I thought I was rich with 30mil. I continued to level till level 54 and on that night, people in the guild were saying there was a reliable NP seller online. (Oh man the good old days when NP was 5, 6k and having to wait in lines to buy it). I spent the 30mil on an experience card, 1 panda, and accidentally a set of safety charms. But it was all ok, because I loaded on takoyakis and potions and went directly to zombies gaining 60%/hour. jMS was going pretty well until XiaoWC was able to proxy back to jMS and I felt all guilty that I spent all his money. I didn’t know what to do but here is the first of many twists in my story. I was at zombies one night and a naked character came to my map. He began dropping steelys, tobis, and a bunch of other valuable items. He dropped around a total of 30mil worth of items, and then just logged off saying “You now have Dess’ items.” I didn’t know what happened but I was glad, because now I could give back XiaoWC’s money. Why I never told Dess about these items, is because he was a hacker and I used that to justify myself. Who the person was that dropped all those items will be explained later. Just keep on reading.
Now we flash from level 54 to 89. My second experience card was about to expire and I had lost my mind training on Yak girls/Gunboss. One night I was messaged by someone called Tony (Toneh for all you old CS’ers). I’m not too sure what happened between him and Dess and I’m not quite sure to even this day. Though he was the guy I mentioned earlier that dropped all those items for me. The really shocking truth is that the person you all know as Erik, my cousin, is really this person called Tony. It will all be explained later as I reveal more lies.
Back to the story with him and me on MSN, he messages me asking if he could have his items back, I told him I sold his stuff long ago. He just said it was ok and didn’t bother me at all. Though the next part really got my attention, he showed me his hacked up ranger and told me that he could help me level. So for the next 5 levels (89-94), I was leeching him all over Ludibrium. I knew this was wrong, but I kind of liked the edgy feeling and it just wasn’t boring like regular training. Tony eventually got banned and went missing and I went on playing legit as before.
Part 2: Climax and Fall
School ended and came the prime of jMS. I produced my first video, which was the level 90 one. It’s a bit ironic that the song I choose was the theme to Infernal Affairs, which is a movie trilogy that talks about a spy who rose to the top of the police hierarchy through the help of his crime lord boss. I don’t think I would have ever gotten this far if it wasn’t for the hacks or illegal help I got later on. However, that’s be dealt with in Part 3. Anyways, I gained lots of fame through my new videos, such as my Guild Party Quest and Tespia videos. The videos in my opinion were pretty poorly edited since I only had Windows Movie Maker back then, but I guess it was the lack of MapleStory videos in general that made everyone watched mine. I never thought that after my first video that I would keep making more movies and eventually having over 50 videos on my Youtube channel. It’s too bad now that I’m now banned, I will never make a new video.
All the old jMS’er was also very active; I remember training with people like Josh and Brendan all the time at Vikings. I also got lots of Anegos and it was just a really great time. It was great when the Guild Party Quest first came out and with the help of our Japanese members: Gilo, Mai and Hori, we were one of the first jMS English guilds to beat it.
I almost forgot to mention EmoRangers, it was certainly a great guild that lasted a long time. It’s too bad that 100 slot guilds didn’t come till fourth job or else it would probably be around today. I always tried to teach all members how to behave and treat each other with respect. It was a really close knit community, too bad as school came back; it lost over half of its members.
Most of you probably know that for a while I shared with Graham, as I said many times that I wanted to concentrate on school and let Graham continue the legacy, it’s too bad that he had to quit and I had to continue Pokgai alone, there’s not much more to discuss here.
By the time school had just started and I really wanted to quit and I was getting pissed off, because it was just so boring killing Vikings all the time, so I took the risk and decided that I wanted to experiment with hacks. I asked my of my friends that I knew hacked and told him that I’m going to hack up myself a dragon knight. I bought an experience card for it but I never made it past 45, because it just got boring watching me slash blast a massive mob. Back to Pokgai and being legit I guess, but the fact is that I did use hacks here, though I did not enjoy them. To be honest, I never even seen a hack in my life till I started hacking (I only played the official gMS for 12 days.)
Part 3: Corruption
School was back and I didn’t really do a lot on jMS, since I was broke and it was just generally really boring. Tony came back and messaged me that he had some money to give me and I gladly took it. After a while talking with him, he asked me if I wanted to hack, but I told him I wanted to keep Pokgai clean. He kept pressuring me and told me I could become very rich, but I just didn’t want to risk it. However, things quickly changed when Tony sent me hacking values to my PM boxes on CursedSanctuary. dtrmp4 was snooping around our PM boxes and bam just like that I was banned right off CursedSanctuary and Sleepywood. I don’t want to go into the details but they refused to accept me and just got rid of me. I was very angry that I could easily be betrayed just like that. So I joined Adventures in jMS, where unlike CursedSanctuary that goes like: “OMG HACKERS BAN BAN!” They simply just keep to their own business. I agreed with this theology much more but I was still really sad that I was rejected from the reason I still played jMS. So I in a way gave up about caring about the game and decided to give hacking a try and let Nexon deal with me when they catch me.
As for the reason behind disguising Tony as Erik was that if I ever got caught I could blame it on him. Though I look back now, I never really got caught hacking myself and it was always Tony that did something stupid like godmode at Anego. Though I regret that I have to say that besides hacking together, we also key logged together. If you ever seen a message like this in your shop vend “kasairyuu.wordpress.com 自由なハッキングがある私のブロッグ！” It would probably be us advertising our key logger site. We basically spammed the entire free market with our message saying we could help them obtain high levels using our hacks. We actually got quite a number of people and probably made over 5 billion in meru/items. Thinking back now, I’m terribly sorry to all these people though it can be argued that it’s their fault by looking for hacks.
As for my illegitimate leveling, I went from 113-130 training normally but using godmode and 130-140 using demi hack. I also had Papulatus hack meaning I could vac onto the second form, easily kill it in 30 seconds and gain 2.45mil twice a day. I never understood why I even bothered hacking to level, I’m personally not much the grinder myself, but I guess it was just that all my old legit training buddies had quit and I was the only active person over level 100.
I also need to talk about the corruption behind ImoRenjazu, a lot the members were hackers and I just kept a blind eye for them, because if I were to get rid of them, I would have no more members, hackers made up most of the guild so it was pointless to fight it. It was such a futile system, that’s why I was so encouraging the confederation of guilds to unite all players that were legit together and start a new regime.
At my prime of my corruption, I felt in a way that everyone was against me and were trying to take away my power. I took anyone that did anything negative to me as a threat and plotted in my head ways to get rid/ruin them. Though those plans never became actions, the fact is that it still had them pass through my head.
When I hit level 140 and fourth job came out, I decided that I no longer wanted to hack anymore and with the creation of Serene, everything was looking good. From the time I’m writing this post, it’s been about a month since fourth job came out. I stayed legit for the first two weeks till Kyle, and DJ left the guild and I thought this was just the same corrupted position ImoRenjazu was back in. Plus the fact that Sharp Eye 20 dropped from sharks, meaning I was continuously burning money and dying quite a bit. It’s pretty sad how I still never found that mastery book.
Part 4: Moving On
After looking back, I can see that I have done many terrible things, the worst being a fool and keeping it all a secret. Although I’d have to remember that I did a lot of good deeds and helped and benefited the community. I don’t want to brag or anything, but I can safely say that I was a good representation of a good player. I didn’t scam, kill steal, or disturb anyone, I just play the game with respect unlike a lot of other hackers who spawn kill at Anego, kill steal Anego/monsters, and hack Jakum. I remember when I first accepted my position on the adventure in jMS that I got bashed a lot, because I was working for Cindy and Mikey. This was back when CursedSanctuary still had the dominant number of active members. I want to let all those people know that I took that role, because I wanted to help people and teach new comers how to behave and act in jMS, I wanted to preserve our relationship with the Japanese so they won’t in the future tell us all 外人’s to die. But again, this is all a bit hypocritical for me to say, and I’m going just going to leave it at that.
For now the guild Serene will go under the wing of Dennis, though I’m interested if Carl or Stanley wants to take over and even after all this crap I already said. Serene deserves a leader that’s actually legit; I hope that I can see my dream of this guild continuing on as long as English players in Kaede. As for Kyle, I can see that you don’t have many intentions with us anymore or else you would have come back. If it’s anything you would like to say about the guild, please go ahead.
I have talked to Cindy before completing this post and she said that she doesn’t mind what I have done, because of what I have done for the community and forum. I thank her for her support and I might consider staying admin for a while or at least when I feel that I should resign.
All my fans, friends and everyone that believed and supported me.; I am very sorry that it had to come to this. Though I’m sure time will heal whatever damage I have done, don’t find it within you to hate me. If I learned anything from all this chaos, it’s that we must L and L (Love your neighbors and Live like a Christian).
All my haters, I too say: “L and L” (Love your neighbors and Live like a Christian). All those hateful comments that have been said about me have already been forgotten, as well for the comments to be said.
Bow scrolls… I have over one thousand of them and I would estimate that’s about 98% of the market. Now that they all were deleted I guess all the bow users out there are pretty screwed, but with time, the market will recover.
I have compared myself to tragic characters like Macbeth and Ming from Infernal Affairs. I can say that though I have gone through something similar in context to them, I am in no way a tragic character. Unlike them, I have achieved happiness from all of this. God has answered my prayer to lift the burden of this game and replenish our spiritual relationship. After finishing this post, I can now move on in life. I hope that my story has in a way positively inspired someone out there. Please feel free to comment, but be considerate and construction.
AijMS Thread
Posted by Ray.mond 
Posted by Ray.mond 
Posted by Ray.mond 
